Social anxiety can feel like an insurmountable obstacle, casting a shadow over everyday interactions and experiences. However, we can gradually overcome this challenge by actively working to change our thought patterns. This blog post explores practical strategies for effectively shifting your thinking and managing social anxiety.

Understanding Social Anxiety

Before we dive into strategies, it's crucial to understand what social anxiety is. Social anxiety disorder is characterized by an intense fear of social situations, often rooted in the fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected by others. This fear can manifest in physical symptoms like sweating, trembling, or rapid heartbeat and can significantly impact one's quality of life.

The Power of Cognitive Restructuring

One of the most effective ways to combat social anxiety is through cognitive restructuring – a technique used to identify and alter the frequency and the relationship with negative thought patterns. Here's how you can start:

1. Identify Negative Thoughts

The first step is becoming aware of your negative thoughts. These might include:

- "Everyone will think I'm stupid if I speak up. No one wants to hear from me anyway."

- "I'll definitely embarrass myself at the party."

- "People are always judging me."

- "They're going to notice I'm sweating/anxious."

2. Reflect on the Purpose of These Thoughts

Once you've identified these thoughts, it's time to become curious about them:

- Is there evidence to support this thought?

- Is there evidence against this thought?

- What would I tell a friend who had this thought?

- What is this thought trying to protect me against?

Pro Tip: This is a chance to practice problem-solving. If you can, shift from criticizing yourself for the thoughts or inadequacies you see and evaluate if something is in your control to change or improve. If not, practice self-compassion and know it'll get easier the more you put effort into being social.

3. Acknowledge and Supplement with Realistic Thoughts

After questioning your negative thoughts, balance them with compassionate and grounded ones:

- "Some people might disagree with me, but that doesn't make me stupid."

- "I might feel uncomfortable at times during the party, but I can handle it. I can do hard things."

- "Most people are focused on themselves, not judging me."

- "I can work through a bit of distress and then take care of myself after I try."

Additional Strategies to Think Differently Over Time

Consider the Source

This phrase, in particular, helps us recognize that not all thoughts, feelings, or feedback we receive from people are created equal. Our biases and perceptions shift how we see and feel our reality. For example, if I try not to notice any red cars today, I may find it challenging not to see them. Not because seeing red cars is "bad," but because our minds are taking in so much information at a time that it filters out through our intentions.

So, when you have an anxious thought, "They're going to judge me," or "I'm going to say the wrong thing, " consider where those thoughts come from and whether they deserve the same attention and weight as "I'm worthy of sharing my view."

Feelings are Feedback

In "How emotions are made," Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett explains that we interpret physical sensations as emotions. We shade these sensations through our experiences and genetics as pleasant or unpleasant. However, feelings are not facts; they are feedback on your experience. For example, nervousness and excitement are physiologically the same: increased heart rate, perspiration, and muscle tension, yet it's our interpretation of those same physical sensations in the context of the moment.

The next time you feel anxious, ask yourself if you could feel anything else. Could the same sensations be present in moments of excitement or joy? Can we shift the context from something to be fearful of to something that will help us grow?

Drop the Rope

There are two types of thoughts: automatic and intentional. Most of the time, I hear people's concerns, and we can identify their automatic thoughts. They simply pop up, which is why some people consider them intrusive. Shading them as unfavorable is unhelpful; your brain is just trying to keep you safe. So, let's try a new method; instead of playing tug of war with thoughts you don't control, like tug of war with a wall, let them come and go and see if you can find patterns. Once you find patterns, you may be able to foster helpful, intentional thoughts. For example, "I don't think therapy will help me." = automatic, intentional thought: "I know vulnerability can be challenging, yet I can do hard things. I can take one session at a time and try to work on feeling safe sharing first."

Pro Tip: Make sure your intentional thoughts are within your control. Most automatic thoughts fixate on things not in your control. Intentional thoughts like "I'm sure they'll like me if I do ___ " are beneficial if they spur motivation to face a fear, yet unhelpful if you put your well-being in the outcome of people liking you, which is ultimately out of your control.

Practice Mindfulness

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness is intentional and effortful present-moment awareness with a nonjudgmental attitude. Mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment rather than get caught up in anxiety about the future. Try noticing what's happening around you and focus on stating facts like "My feet are firmly on the ground" or "There are different types of clouds in the sky."

Gradual Exposure

Slowly exposing yourself to anxiety-inducing situations can help desensitize you over time. Start small and gradually work your way up to more challenging scenarios. Find a balance of socializing for your introverted or extroverted nature. Once you find that balance, try maintaining the same exposure, like building any skill; maintenance is critical to long-term success.

Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Remember that everyone has insecurities and makes mistakes. Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a good friend. It's also important not to rush past your uncomfortable feelings. Self-compassion is the antithesis of social anxiety, so it may be the most rewarding and most challenging skill you'll develop. Begin first by noticing and identifying, then sit with the discomfort momentarily before you begin problem-solving. As ironic as it may sound, that discomfort deserves attention, too, just like the joy will as you find more relief.

Seek Professional Help

If social anxiety is significantly impacting your life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be particularly effective for social anxiety. So has the primary method I practice, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). To learn more, check out my other blog on using Talk Therapy for Social Anxiety.

Conclusion

Changing your thinking patterns for social anxiety is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, practice, and patience. Remember that setbacks are normal and part of the process. By consistently applying these strategies and being kind to yourself along the way, you can gradually rewire your mind and reduce the impact of social anxiety on your life.