Social anxiety is more than feeling shy or introverted. It's the overwhelming fear of being judged, embarrassed, or scrutinized in social situations. For some, their fear can be so intense that it interferes with daily life. But how do you know when social anxiety is a normal part of life, and when it's time to seek professional help from a therapist?

What Is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is one of the most common mental health issues. It often involves excessive fear of social situations where someone might feel they're being judged or evaluated by others. This may sound like a specific fear, yet it's a broad category or "theme of fear," from being a bother or burden to being seen as annoying to fear of anxiety, such as blushing or sweating. The fear can be so intense that people avoid everyday activities, like making phone calls, speaking in meetings, or attending social events.

If you constantly worry about being embarrassing, saying the wrong thing, or having others think negatively about you, you might be dealing with social anxiety. Furthermore, if you resonated with one of the themes above, you're ahead of the game with insight! While some level of nervousness in social settings is natural, even a sign of respect for the importance of the event, social anxiety becomes problematic when it disrupts your ability to live the life you want, from a daily experience of a phone call to a life experience in struggling to get a job or build a romantic relationship.

Signs It May Be Time for Therapy

Here are some signs that social anxiety may be affecting you enough to benefit from therapy:

• Avoiding social situations:

  • Do you find yourself declining invitations or avoiding events because you're afraid of feeling anxious or doing something embarrassing?

  • Do you have excuses pre-prepared to avoid events?

  • How does anxiety prevent you from doing things like grocery shopping or traveling like you want to?

  • Do you struggle to apply for jobs?

  • Do you struggle to choose a career or a job based on the amount of socializing required vs a passion?

  • Do you find phone calls or emails to be particularly imposing?

  • Have you attended school (trade or college) like you want to?

    • Do you struggle with turning in assignments on time because of perfectionism?

    • Do you wait for other people to ask questions and hope your question will be asked by someone else?

      • What happens if no one asks?

  • If you do go somewhere, how often and intense are your "cringes?"

  • Do you use your phone as a shield when you're out and about or at an event?

• Physical symptoms of anxiety:

  • Do your heart race, palms sweat, or hands shake when you have to speak in front of people or meet someone new?

  • Does your heart race, palms sweat, or hands shake when you attend a routine meeting/class?

  • Do you dread shaking hands?

  • Do you use substance to "feel less anxious?"

• Constant worry about judgment:

  • Are you always second-guessing yourself?

  • Are you consistently fearing you've said or done something embarrassing?

  • How does this impact what you do?

• Struggling at work or school:

  • Is social anxiety holding you back in professional or educational settings?

    • Avoiding presentations, meetings, or even casual interactions with colleagues can severely impact your success.

    • Over a long enough time, despite wanting to and choosing a career path, social anxiety can cause so much distress that people drop out of college or trade schools or don't advance to graduate school, not because of academic difficulty but because of the pressure of constant evaluation.

    • Procrastination builds with each assignment and a cycle of perfectionism starts with "it's not good enough to turn in" to "well, now it's too late to turn it in."

    • Job interviews are another time for evaluation. With social anxiety, they become imposing, leading to stronger resistance and pressure to even think about applying. If the main reason you don't have a job or are staying in a job that's making you miserable is worry and fear, you may benefit from therapy.

• Impact on relationships:

  • Are your personal relationships affected because you're avoiding gatherings or finding it hard to connect with friends and family due to anxiety?

  • Do you have trouble making friends or maintaining friendships over a long period?

If any of these sound familiar, it might be time to consider therapy. The most important question to ask is, "How do these affect how I feel about myself and what life I choose to live?" Everyone will have a different point at which they decide enough is enough and try therapy. The higher quality of life may be just a few sessions away!

However, therapy is not only for severe cases—it can be helpful even if your symptoms feel moderate but are impacting your life like someone wanting to order at a restaurant for the first time or just noticing they doubt they have friends, yet they've had the same 3-5 friends since elementary school.

How Can Therapy Help?

Therapists offer a variety of techniques to help manage and reduce social anxiety. One of the most effective forms of therapy is Acceptance and Committment Therapy (ACT). ACT works by helping you develop psychological flexibility where your behavior becomes like a stream following the ebbs (thoughts) and flows (emotions) of rocks (life’s events). For example, suppose you're afraid of going to a friends birthday party. In that case, ACT may help you connect with the value of close relationships and defuse rigid thoughts, and through committed action and present moment awareness, you willingly engage with a "fun" event.

Exposure therapy is another powerful tool. In this type of therapy, a therapist helps you gradually face feared social situations in a safe and controlled environment. Over time, this exposure helps reduce the fear response and allows you to build confidence in managing anxiety-provoking situations.

Therapists also offer practical strategies to manage anxiety, such as breathing techniques, mindfulness exercises, and stress management skills. These tools can be incredibly effective for reducing anxiety symptoms in the moment, allowing you to navigate social situations with more ease.

Is Therapy Right for You?

If social anxiety is holding you back from living your life to the fullest—whether it's affecting your career, relationships, or personal happiness—therapy might be the next step. You don't have to wait until the anxiety feels unbearable. Addressing it early can prevent it from becoming more severe and harder to treat. Think of anxiety like a rolling snowball. The longer you let it roll, the larger it becomes.

It's important to remember that therapy is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, seeking help is a powerful step toward self-care and mental well-being. Everyone deserves the chance to feel comfortable in their own skin and engage with the world without fear.

If you're wondering whether you need a therapist for social anxiety, take a moment to reflect on how much your anxiety is impacting your life. Therapy offers a supportive space where you can work through your fears and learn how to manage them more effectively. With the right support, overcoming social anxiety is absolutely possible, and you can start feeling more confident in social situations.

Free Resources

One of my values is to help one more person. That value can be continually sought after whether or not you come into my office. I’ve designed some free gifts, some do require an email, while other’s are a free PDF download way from helpful skills I commonly teach.

Social Anxiety Survival Kit

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