Living with social anxiety can be challenging, affecting various aspects of daily life. One key factor that often perpetuates social anxiety is a phenomenon known as experiential avoidance. In this blog post, we'll explore what experiential avoidance is, how it relates to social anxiety, and some strategies for overcoming it.

What is Experiential Avoidance?

Experiential avoidance refers to the tendency to avoid or escape from uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, or situations. It's a natural human response – after all, who likes feeling anxious or uncomfortable? However, when it becomes a habitual way of coping, it can lead to more problems than it solves. An easy method to identify experiential avoidance is to flip the terms and ask yourself, “am I avoiding any experiences presently?”

The Connection to Social Anxiety

For individuals with social anxiety, experiential avoidance often manifests as:

1. Avoiding social situations

2. Leaving events early

3. Relying on "safety behaviors" (like always bringing a friend)

4. Overplanning to reduce uncertainty

5. Mentally "checking out" during interactions

While these strategies might provide short-term relief, they ultimately reinforce anxiety and prevent opportunities for positive experiences and growth.

Research consistently shows that having routine socialization is a protective factor from worsening social anxiety. This means that as you start getting better at spending time with people, the more you maintain that, the less likely your anxiety will worsen. Keep on growing and slowly build up your tolerance.

Breaking the Cycle

Overcoming experiential avoidance is key to managing social anxiety. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps us observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment. By becoming more aware of our anxiety triggers, we can respond more intentionally rather than automatically avoiding them.

Additionally, mindfulness with acceptance boosts your ability to work through distress. It’s like being honest about leaving streaks on a window you just cleaned. Without noticing and accepting there are streaks left, you wouldn’t be able to clean a little more to get that streak-free shine.

2. Gradual Exposure

Start small and gradually expose yourself to anxiety-provoking situations. This helps build confidence and shows you can handle more than you think. The most common thing I hear in therapy as people begin to grow is, they start to see how much they have limited themselves. Yet, they share that without criticism. Instead, they share that sentiment with a recognition of untapped strength!

3. Challenge Your Thoughts

Often, our anxious thoughts are exaggerated or unrealistic. Learning to question and reframe these thoughts can reduce their power over us. Try perspective taking skills to begin expanding your anticipating mind to alternative realities to socializing. I try to encourage a “Rule of 3.” Let your rumination serve its purpose and outline your worst-case scenario. Follow that worst-case scenario with an equally unlikely best-case scenario. Finish the third scenario as a middle ground containing elements between worst-case and best-case scenarios.

Pro tip: the next step could be recognizing how you would cope with each of the three scenarios if they happened. “What I would do if…” “My first step if this happened would be…”

4. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT is a therapeutic approach that focuses on accepting difficult emotions while committing to actions aligned with your values. It can be particularly helpful for addressing experiential avoidance. ACT promotes psychological flexibility, which helps us focus on our value-oriented behavior despite fear and grow through distress instead of retreat.

5. Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Remember that everyone experiences anxiety sometimes, and it's okay to feel uncomfortable. Treat yourself with the same understanding you'd offer a friend. You can also say your critical thoughts in a funny voice. It’s only silly if it doesn’t work AND you judge yourself for it.

Self-compassion is the exact opposite to social anxiety. Where criticism is, compassion could be. It’s okay to accept and acknowledge unpleasant sensations.

Conclusion

Recognizing the role of experiential avoidance in social anxiety is an important step towards overcoming it. While it's not always easy, learning to face our fears and discomfort can lead to a richer, more fulfilling social life. Remember, it's okay to take small steps and seek support when needed. With time and practice, you can develop a healthier relationship with social situations and your own emotions.

If you're struggling with social anxiety, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can provide personalized strategies and support on your journey.