Thriving at Work and School: A Guide for Those with Social Anxiety

Living with social anxiety can make everyday interactions challenging. When it comes to work and school environments, the stakes can feel even higher. The good news? You can navigate these spaces successfully and even thrive with the right strategies and mindset. Let's explore some practical tips to help you manage social anxiety in professional and academic settings.

1. Prepare and Plan, yet practice being flexible.

Uncertainty can fuel anxiety, so try to minimize surprises:

- Review your schedule the night before

- Plan your outfit and pack your bag in advance

- Arrive early to give yourself time to settle in

However, set a limit for your preparation.

- Sometimes, preparation leads to more feelings and fears.

- If you notice your preparation contains more fear and you want to avoid something, put the planning down and shift to self-care.

- Remain mindful that you are competent and good enough!

2. Start Small and Build Confidence

You don't have to conquer everything at once:

- Set small, achievable goals for yourself each day

- Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they seem

- Gradually challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone (just outside of our comfort zone is our growth zone; that’s where we want to be!)

A common myth that prevents this is feeling like we have to tackle all of our worries before we start something.

- In therapy, we learn about the inner critic, which often minimizes our accomplishments and progress.

- If you need help to apply your knowledge, please feel free to reach out today.

3. Find Your Safe Spaces

Identify places where you can retreat if you need a moment:

- A quiet corner of the library

- An empty classroom or meeting room

- Even a bathroom stall can provide a brief respite

Here are three coping tools when you get to the safe space. The more you practice, the more effective these will become, so try these when you're calm, too!

- If you're in the bathroom, try washing your hands and practicing mindfulness. Notice where on your hands the water hits them, watch the soap wash away, etc. Bonus points if the water is cold; temperature change is a DBT skill.

- Breathing technique #1: Deep breathe in slowly through the nose, hold for 2 seconds, inhale again (this won't be much air, still try, though), then exhale slowly through your mouth and notice your body relaxing

- Breathing technique #2: inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, then exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds.

4. Develop a Support Network

You're not alone in this journey:

- Connect with understanding colleagues or classmates

- Consider joining a support group for people with social anxiety

- Don't hesitate to reach out to a counselor or therapist for professional support

If you're working on developing a support network, consider starting with who you feel closest to. Sometimes, our social anxiety makes us feel alone, and we minimize what connections are there. If your fear of judgment is roaring, you can try to engage in a distracting conversation to de-escalate.

5. Use Relaxation Techniques

Learn and practice techniques to manage anxiety in the moment:

- Deep breathing exercises

- Progressive muscle relaxation

- Mindfulness meditation

Pro tip: As mentioned above, these are skills. Just like playing a sport or instrument, we practice outside of game time to get better at a skill. The more we effortfully practice, the better we get.

6. Reframe Your Thoughts

Identify negative self-talk:

- Recognize when you're catastrophizing

- Try to look at situations objectively

- Remember that most people are focused on themselves, not judging you

I know how challenging automatic intrusive thoughts can be. The most important step is noticing and identifying what kinds of thoughts are happening.

- "Oh, that thought was my mind minimizing my effort today."

- "Interesting, I caught that should"

- "Ouch, that criticism didn't help; it hurt instead."

7. Communicate Your Needs

It's okay to ask for what you need:

- If possible, talk to your supervisor or teacher about your anxiety

- Discuss potential accommodations that could help you perform at your best

- Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness

When you get to this step, I encourage you to champion yourself! Give yourself some reward that matches how challenging this step can be.

8. Focus on Your Strengths

Social anxiety doesn't define you:

- Identify your unique skills and talents

- Contribute in ways that play to your strengths

- Remember that your worth isn't determined by how outgoing you are

In my office, we work on developing a growth mindset. This mindset shifts from fixed thoughts like, "I'll always feel this way," to dynamic thoughts like, "I am getting better."

9. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself:

- Treat yourself with the same understanding you'd offer a friend

- Acknowledge that everyone has challenges they're dealing with

- Celebrate your efforts, not just your outcomes

The nature of social anxiety makes self-compassion, in my opinion, and personal experience, the most challenging part of recovery. The skill of self-compassion takes the experience of social anxiety and flips it around. Self-compassion may be the most challenging part of recovery, it's also the most rewarding part as well. When I start working with people, they often feel like they are their worst critics and don't think they can develop self-compassion. Yet, it's dynamic, and we CAN develop any skill we set our mind to practice with effort and intention to improve.

10. Keep Perspective

Remember the bigger picture:

- Your anxiety may make things feel worse than they are

- Others quickly forget most social missteps

- You're constantly growing and improving, even if progress feels slow

Feeling overwhelmed is often a matter of perspective. If you see the bigger picture and feel like that's overwhelming or too far off, try a "half-step" to bring the picture closer together. Sometimes, we need to be moment-to-moment to get through life; other times, we can forecast weeks, months, or years ahead. Whatever helps you continue to face your fears, I support you!

Living with social anxiety in work and school environments can be challenging, but it's important to remember that you're not alone, and you're capable of great things. By implementing these strategies and being patient with yourself, you can navigate these spaces more comfortably and focus on what truly matters – your personal and professional growth.

Remember, everyone's journey is different. Find the strategies that work best for you, and don't be afraid to adjust your approach as you go. You've got this and I'm here to help!