Social anxiety is something over 50% of us experience, whether it's a fleeting moment of nervousness before a presentation or a more intense fear of social situations. Nearly 1 in 10 people will develop social anxiety disorder, which is when social anxiety interferes with our ability to live our chosen life. While it may feel overwhelming, it's important to understand that social anxiety has causes rooted in human nature, our experiences, and our thoughts—and that with the right tools, it's entirely manageable. Let's take a look at the different factors that cause social anxiety and why understanding these causes is the first step to overcoming it.

Check in next week for my professional ACT breakdown of how social anxiety continues to be a factor in your life based on what causes it described in this blog.

What is Social Anxiety?

Before diving into its causes, let's define social anxiety. Check out the blog last week to learn more about what living with social anxiety is like. In short, experiencing social anxiety is an intense feeling of fear, self-consciousness, or worry in social situations, often accompanied by thoughts like, What if I embarrass myself? or What will others think of me? or a consistent doubt that people don't like you. While everyone feels some level of nervousness in social settings from time to time, social anxiety can become problematic when it disrupts daily life or makes people avoid situations where they might feel judged.

1. Evolutionary Factors: The Need to Belong

Our brain's design is to survive. Part of survival is maintaining a connection to a group. Thus, humans are social creatures by nature. Historically, our survival depended on being part of a group. Being accepted by others was critical for protection, resources, and survival. Because of this, our brains evolved to be highly sensitive to social cues, which helped us navigate social hierarchies and relationships, which is where some of the root causes of social anxiety lie.

Today, while we're no longer concerned about being left out of the tribe in a literal sense, our brains still hold onto that deep-seated need for acceptance. Social anxiety can be a modern manifestation of that ancient instinct. When we fear judgment or rejection, it's our brain's way of trying to protect us from what it perceives as a threat, even if that "threat" is just a casual conversation or a work meeting. Side note: to experience social anxiety at its core is a perceived threat to connection, which also happens to be the definition of shame. Understanding this is critical to healing.

2. Environmental Factors: Life Experiences Shape Us

Our life experiences—especially in our early years—play a huge role in how we perceive social interactions. Most people have a social trauma where they feel humiliated, and shame begins to develop quickly between ages 8 and 14. Erik Erikson outlines eight stages of development, two of which align during the typical period of developing social anxiety: industry versus inferiority and identity versus role confusion. As you can see, these two opposing outcomes of these stages describe social anxiety, feeling inferior and confused about who they're supposed to be.

Negative or embarrassing past experiences, like being bullied or ridiculed, can contribute to the development of social anxiety later in life beyond age 14. If you've faced criticism or rejection in social settings, your brain may develop a heightened sense of caution in similar situations. These stages are dynamic rather than fixed. We can experience marital infidelity and experience the same feelings of inferiority and confusion, for example.

Additionally, someone who was made fun of for a mistake in a school presentation might feel anxious about public speaking as an adult. Our past informs our present behavior, and often, social anxiety can be linked to moments where we feel vulnerable or exposed. There's no need for multiple events to occur to develop social anxiety, nor do more events mean worse symptoms.

Any event at any period of life that can cause a deep sensation of shame in a social setting can create an experience that challenges how we relate to future socializing.

3. Personality Traits: A Tendency Towards Perfectionism

Some people are naturally more prone to anxiety due to their personality traits. The "Big 5" personality traits are openness to new experiences, conscientiousness (being thorough), extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, which describe tendencies people display. Some will be stable despite context, and others will vary based on context. For example, a person who works in sales typically will be more extroverted, yet at a party may be more introverted.

Those who tend toward perfectionism will be higher in neuroticism and low in openness to new experiences in most contexts. They, for instance, may be more likely to experience social anxiety. This is because perfectionists often set incredibly high standards for themselves and fear being judged (high in neuroticism) if they fall short (low in being open to different outcomes).

Similarly, introverted individuals may feel more drained or overwhelmed by social situations, which can increase anxiety in environments that require a lot of social interaction. The anxiety may not be due to fear, but rather exhaustion, which makes regulating emotions more challenging. But it's important to note that while personality traits can influence social anxiety, they don't define or limit us. Despite our natural tendencies, We can learn to manage and thrive even with these tendencies.

Not all shy people are socially anxious; not all socially anxious people are introverts.

4. Cognitive Factors: Negative Thinking Patterns

Our thoughts are powerful, and when it comes to social anxiety, negative thinking patterns often play a key role. People with social anxiety may engage in "catastrophizing"—imagining the worst possible outcome in any social interaction—or "mind reading," where they assume others are thinking negatively about them. These patterns of thought can spiral, creating a cycle of anxiety that reinforces itself over time.

From an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy perspective, thoughts are powerful, yet are only one-third of our psychological experience. Thoughts, emotions, and behaviors tie together (also CBT agrees). However, not all thoughts are created equal. Some thoughts are type 1, aka automatic, and other thoughts are type 2, created. For example, when you google something, say, "What causes social anxiety," in order for you to make that search, you need type 2 thinking. Conversely, our inner critic is a type 1 thought process. To learn more about the inner critic, click here.

For instance, if someone with social anxiety walks into a party, they might automatically start thinking, *Everyone's judging me,* or *I'm going to say something stupid.* These thoughts can make it harder to engage with others, perpetuating the anxiety.

5. Biological Factors: The Role of Genetics and Brain Chemistry

Genetics and brain chemistry also contribute to social anxiety. Research suggests that people with a family history of anxiety disorders are more likely to experience social anxiety themselves. Additionally, imbalances in brain chemicals like serotonin and dopamine, which regulate mood and feelings of well-being, can influence how we respond to stress in social situations.

Overcoming Social Anxiety: A Path Forward

While understanding the causes of social anxiety is essential, it's equally important to recognize that it doesn't have to control your life. Here are some ways to start overcoming it:

1. Defuse/Accept/Challenge Negative Thoughts: Becoming aware of your negative thinking patterns and actively challenging/accepting/defusing them can help break the cycle of social anxiety.

Here's why I have placed 3 words there instead of 1.

Defusing negative thoughts means recognizing that they are automatic thoughts and not in your control. You didn't choose these thoughts to happen; they just popped up. It's up to you to see the inner critic within these thoughts, which are not related to any choices you have to make.

Accepting negative thoughts can be an easier path to challenging and replacing them—but it's not easy. Accepting is a process of learning from your pain, aka "what is the purpose of these thoughts?" Hint: Because you care about connecting with other people.

Challenging negative thoughts can be complex if these automatic thoughts are well-rooted. CBT focuses on eliminating and "restructuring" your thought process.

2. Gradual Exposure: Avoiding social situations may feel like a relief in the short term, but it reinforces anxiety in the long run. Gradually facing social situations in small, manageable steps can help reduce fear over time. Once you've built up one step, maintain that step to keep your momentum moving forward. Avoidance becomes a habit if you don't notice the patterns. No shame or judgment, though.

3. Seek Support: Talking to a therapist or counselor can be a powerful way to work through social anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), in particular, has been shown to be effective in helping people manage anxiety by changing thought patterns and behaviors.

4. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Mindfulness practices, like meditation and deep breathing exercises, can help reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety and ground you in the present moment.

5. Self-Compassion: Remember, everyone has moments of insecurity. Being kind and compassionate toward yourself during anxious moments is essential. Social anxiety doesn't define your worth, and with patience and effort, it's something you can work through.

Conclusion: You Are Not Alone

Social anxiety is a challenge that many people face, but it doesn't have to limit your ability to connect with others or enjoy life. By understanding its causes and taking steps to address it, you can reclaim your confidence and find peace in social interactions. Remember, it's a journey—and you're not alone. With patience, self-awareness, and support, social anxiety can become something you manage, not something that manages you.