What Makes Social Anxiety Worse?: The Paradox of Relief

Social anxiety can feel like a roadblock in life. Everyday activities—like attending a social event or simply chatting with new people—can trigger an overwhelming sense of nervousness or fear. While many experience occasional social discomfort, social anxiety disorder (SAD) turns this into a daily challenge. Unfortunately, certain factors can make social anxiety even harder to manage. In this blog, we’ll explore the things that can worsen social anxiety and offer insights into how to better understand and address these triggers.

For a recap on this series: check out what it’s like to live with social anxiety blog and what causes social anxiety blog by clicking those words.

1. Negative Self-Talk: The Inner Critic

Ever catch yourself thinking, "I’ll sound so dumb," or "Everyone will think I’m awkward"? You’re not alone. One of the biggest contributors to social anxiety is that inner voice—often hypercritical, making us doubt ourselves in every social situation. This negative self-talk acts like fuel to the anxiety fire, reinforcing the fear of being judged or embarrassing ourselves.

To learn more about where the inner critic comes from and how to overcome the inner critic, click here.

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

The more we talk down to ourselves, the more anxious we feel about socializing. Over time, this inner dialogue becomes automatic, making it harder to break free from the fear. It’s like living with a bully who knows all of your intimate secrets and has fully loaded ammunition. 

2. Avoidance: The Quick Fix That Backfires

Avoiding social situations might feel like a quick way to escape anxiety, but it’s actually one of the biggest traps. Skipping that party or canceling plans might give short-term relief, but it reinforces the idea that social interactions are dangerous or unbearable. Finding excuses to not go also undermines the reality that you are good enough and can do hard things, known as self-efficacy.

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

Each time we avoid a social event, we lose a chance to grow through challenging our fears. Eventually, avoidance can make even casual interactions feel like impossible tasks, increasing feelings of isolation. It’s like a snowball; whenever you avoid something, the ball rolls a little further, gathering more snow.

3. Perfectionism: The Pressure to Be Flawless

Many people with social anxiety feel an overwhelming need to be perfect in social situations. This may not always seem like “perfectionism” and I even used to reject that I struggle with perfectionism. I rationalized it as a constant desire to improve and get better, yet what was actually happening was hyper-criticism. Whether it’s saying the right thing, acting the right way, or looking the part, this unrealistic expectation creates intense pressure.

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

Perfectionism heightens fear of failure. Conversations or meetings become nerve-wracking because every word and gesture feels like it’s being judged. This "all or nothing" mindset makes social situations far more stressful than they need to be. It’s like having a cheat sheet for a test, but when you go take the test most of the information is blurry. I “should” pass this test with flying colors, yet you make a plan and life still happens and throws off the perfectly made plans.

4. Overthinking: The Post-Event Spiral

After a social event, do you ever find yourself replaying every moment, worrying about what you said or how others saw you? Maybe you viscerally cringe and shudder when you think back at a specific moment. This habit of overthinking or “rumination” is common with social anxiety. It can feel like an endless loop of second-guessing your actions. While the goal is for your brain to heal, continuing to cringe reinforces your mistake was unpleasant. Each time you cringe, try to relax your body and force the same thought; over time, you’ll retrain your brain to think back without cringing. 

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

Rumination keeps anxiety alive long after the event is over, reinforcing negative beliefs about your social abilities. The more you replay these thoughts, the more anxious you’ll feel about future interactions. It’s like a highlight reel from hell; instead of the moments that went well (which, believe it or not, I guarantee there was at least one success), this automatic process only recalls the mistakes. 

5. Lack of Social Exposure: Practice Makes Progress

Just like any skill, navigating social situations takes practice. When we limit social interactions or avoid them altogether, they become scarier over time. Take any stand-up comedian, some shows they bomb, others they crush. Regardless, no one gets a Netflix special after one show. It takes time, dedication, and consistency. The same is for social anxiety. Once you’ve begun socializing, keep up that progress and effort. When you take a break, expect a rebound effect where things may feel more intense as you regain momentum again. That’s normal. 

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

Without regular exposure to social situations, even low-pressure interactions can start to feel overwhelming. Lack of practice reduces confidence, making it harder to ease back into social life. It’s like taking a 10-question test versus a 100-question test. If you miss one question on the 10-question test, it’ll stick out like Alphalfas Cowlick, where as if you miss ten questions on a 100-question test, you’ll likely be able to see the 90 you got right easier. 

6. Substance Use: A Risky Coping Mechanism

The ol’ liquid courage. Many people with social anxiety turn to alcohol or drugs to ease their discomfort in social settings. While substances might offer temporary relief, they often make things worse in the long run. Over-reliance on substances can lead to dependence, and when the effects wear off, anxiety can come back stronger. You’re also undermining your strength and reinforcing that you “can’t” do something without help. 

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

Using alcohol or drugs as a crutch prevents you from developing healthy coping strategies. Over time, social anxiety may worsen when facing situations without the help of these substances. There’s a time and place for moderation and enjoyment. Facing your fears is not that place. If you need help breaking this habit and forming a new relationship with yourself and substances, please take a brave step and reach out today. It’s like trying to run a marathon in new shoes, without the comfort of one’s already broken in (drinking to socialize), it’ll feel different, yet you’ll quickly find your stride.

7. Social Media & Comparisons: The Highlight Reel Trap

In our digital age, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap. Scrolling through social media, it can feel like everyone else is effortlessly confident and thriving socially. The reality? Social media often only shows the highlight reel, not the full picture. Despite the awareness of social media’s toxicity, our brains can still fall prey to old mechanisms that frankly weren’t designed for this much social input. The brain of someone with social anxiety is more prone to experiencing shame. I rarely get on social media for recreational purposes. Even after years of work on my own anxiety, I can still detect the subtle tension and inner critic winding back up after just a few scrolls. If there’s no positive purpose to your pain, stop touching the hot stove.   

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

Constant comparison can make us feel inadequate, feeding the belief that we don’t measure up. This, in turn, deepens feelings of insecurity, making social interactions feel even more intimidating. It’s like getting sucked into a movie for a few hours and then realizing you have to get back to real life. The story may have been great, but now reality sets in that you still need to cook dinner.

8. Stress & Fatigue: When Life Piles On

When we’re stressed, tired, or burnt out, everything feels harder—including socializing. Physical and emotional fatigue can make it more difficult to handle the everyday challenges of social anxiety. When were stressed, our brains are more likely to take the path of least resistance. Since that path is criticism and avoidance, social anxiety will increase as those make things worse. 

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

Stress and fatigue weaken your ability to cope, making social interactions feel like monumental tasks. It also makes it harder to recover from anxiety episodes, creating a cycle of exhaustion and worry. It’s like trying to start a new hobby that you’ve been watching YouTube videos on for hours; you know what to do, yet it still seems challenging.

9. Critical or Unsupportive Environments: The Pressure to Fit In

Being in an environment where you feel judged, unsupported, or criticized can significantly worsen social anxiety. Whether at home, work, or school, toxic environments make it harder to feel confident and secure in social situations. Be careful where you’re getting feedback from. Some people are supportive yet use harsh or sharp words unintentionally (think of the grandma who wants you to be happy, so they encourage you to “just stop worrying”). Conversely, some people are just miserable and want others to be miserable, too, so they’ll criticize you unjustly (think of the boss who doesn’t want you to challenge their superiority). I hope to teach my clients to learn how to be their own judges despite environmental conditions. Developing self-efficacy is a main benefit of going to therapy. 

Why It Makes Anxiety Worse:

Constant criticism or lack of support reinforces the fear of being judged, making social anxiety more intense. Over time, it can lead to withdrawal and difficulty trusting others in social settings. It’s like taking a log out of a campfire, patting it down, then tossing it back in, expecting it to not catch fire again. Our brain creates defense mechanisms; sometimes, we need to let those guards stay up and filter the information we receive by considering its source. 

Conclusion: A Path Forward

The path forward involves relief, but only in the long run. The paradox is that most things that give you immediate relief, such as alcohol, avoidance, etc., usually add to and worsen social anxiety. The good news is that it’s possible to break the cycle. Becoming aware of these triggers is the first step in managing social anxiety. Small, gradual changes—like acknowledging negative thoughts (blog), exposing yourself to more social situations (blog), and finding supportive environments—can make a big difference. Remember, overcoming social anxiety is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Begin counseling today to start your healing journey.

By understanding what worsens social anxiety, you can start navigating social situations with more confidence and less fear. You’re not alone in this, and with time, it’s possible to take control of your anxiety and embrace social connections with greater ease. The good news is we have more time if we can paradoxically realize time is fleeting and get working today.